used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
