why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am available for nakedness
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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