Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
