I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
