Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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