Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
