Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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