I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
