This is not my ceiling
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
