i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
