youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
