I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
