Yo dont text me then not text me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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