Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
