your parents love me but you hate me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
