so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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