dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
