Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
