I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
