Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
pray to the hookup gods
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
