You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
