Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
