dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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