I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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