3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
