Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
