final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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