You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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