Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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