tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
