I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
