i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
