i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
