WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
