Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
