turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This can only be settled by a dance off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
