so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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