i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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