You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
