I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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