Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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