we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
