Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
