I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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