dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
40s are totally the cure
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He shit in the fireplace
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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