I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
