Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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