Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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