Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
