Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
