Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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