My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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