Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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