you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
