Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
