Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
