My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This house was built for laser tag.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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