woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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